Here you go.
Get his money. Come on!
Got it!
All right. Let’s go.
I’m getting good at this. Maybe I’ll open a clinic.
Hey, what do you wwwwwwww-what a surprise!
I wanna talk to you - outside.
W-w-wouldn’t you like a little toddy for the body?
Take care of some of that tension I sense you’re feeling?
I-I-I’ll treat ya to a new drink I invented. I call it the ‘Athenian Wowser’.
Out-side.
On the other hand, a little fresh air might do me some good.
Look, Hercules, I can explain everything.
It better be good - because I came all the way from Arcadia as soon as I heard you were working in this - this - pit.
I didn’t know what it was!
Salmoneus, please.
I’m always straight with you.
Now listen to me, please. It’s my brother-in-law’s place.
He said it was a high-class nightclub.
This is a guy who lies just to keep in practice, but I believed him.
Until that rodent comes back from Athens, I’m stuck here.
Once he does, I’m outta here like my fez was on fire.
Why did you come here in the first place? Don’t you know this town’s reputation?
I couldn’t let it drag me down.
I needed a testing site for something to help make the world a better place.
What is it this time?
‘Happy hour.’ See - every day, ya have an hour.
Ya sell two drinks for the price of one!
It’s the hour that makes ya happy. Get it?!
Yes, it’s very - clever.
Yeah, see? The sound of satisfied customers!
- You and me, Baby. - Another one.
- All night long. - Take it easy.
Why don’t you listen to the lady?
Well, why don’t you mind your own business?
It doesn’t look like she wants your company.
If you’re trying to protect me, don’t bother.
I’ve got to start staying places where they have pillows.
Excuse me. You’re Hercules, aren’t you?
Uh, yes, I am.
You fought with my brother, Cleon, in the Philippian campaign.
Oh, I remember Cleon.
He still says he never would have made it home if you hadn’t inspired him with your bravery.
Cleon didn’t need any inspiration. He was a fine soldier. Does he live here?
He did, but he’s moved away now, like most of the other good men.
He’s in Minos now, building boats.
My head.
I better go see if I can help him.
Thirsty?
Excuse me.
This town.
Easy now - not too fast.
That’s what I deserve for not watching out behind me.
Oh, my money pouch - the thieves have taken it.
Did you see their faces?
No, they jumped me from behind. But I’m sure it was Pilot’s men.
Pilot.
You know him?
Only by reputation.
Here - let me help you up.
You are offering me more kindness than I’ve been shown in months. I don’t even know what to call you.
Hercules will be fine.
It’s just a name. I’ll bet you’ve got one, too.
Atticus. I work a farm in the Istrian valley - though it’s been too long since I’ve laid eyes on it.
Well, Atticus - the first step back there is getting you mended up. Come on.
Get out!
But I just got here!
Well, you weren’t invited. And who do you think you are, anyways, barging in on me?
I’m a customer. And the customer is always right.
Didn’t anybody ever tell you that?
I could hear the lady all the way down the hall.
Now, why don’t you just do what she asked you?
Pilot, I didn’t mean any harm, OK? I was just tryin’ to have a little fun.
Get outta here!
So - you’re the Lucina that has all my men howling at the moon.
You know, a woman as beautiful as you should have - guards outside her door.
Well, the owner wouldn’t pay for them.
Then I will.
I don’t want us to be interrupted.
I was planning on having the morning to myself.
Well, morning would never be enough.
You’ve got a pretty high opinion of yourself, don’t you?
It’s deserved.
Well then, what do you need me for?! Go on. You’ll be better off by yourself, anyway.
You know, I love a saucy woman.
Until later, my sweet.
My mother always wanted me to be a doctor.
With these hands, I could’ve cured the infirm - the lame - the blind.
Oop, sorry.
Too bad he’s not lame or blind. Then maybe you could help him.
Can’t hurt me worse than those thieves did.
See?
Look, Atticus - as long as you’re in such a forgiving mood - maybe you wouldn’t mind staying here until I get back.
Be glad to - never been in a place this nice.
It’s my brother-in-law’s - but I got him a deal on the furniture.
Yeah.
Where you going, if you don’t mind my asking?
Ah, to see Pilot.
Atticus - what did your money pouch look like?
Nothing fancy - but it did have the letter ‘A’ on it. Why?
I’m just curious. Salmoneus - or should I say, ‘Dr. Salmoneus’ - keep an eye on our patient.
All right - just hold still.
Just a little bit more! I’m getting good at this!
We’ve got the manpower. We just gotta use it right.
Hit two places at once - three even, four! The possibilities are endless.
Look, look!
I’m looking for Pilot.
You just found him.
Really? Well, the way these two donkeys made it sound, I thought you weren’t sociable.
Or maybe you’re just too embarrassed about how many poor people you’ve robbed.
You see why I like to be careful about who I let come in off the street?
He’s right.
Teach him some manners.
Come on. Come on!
Just as I suspected.
Thank you very much.
I was afraid I was gonna have to ask you for this - and then you’d say you - didn’t have it, and - well - you know how that goes.
I’ll let you know when it’s all right to get up.
Now - where was I?
Oh, yeah. This morning, I - found the owner of this money pouch.
Your thieves jumped him last night, and left him for dead in the town square.
I’m here to tell ya that stops - right now.
You think this - gives ya the right to order me around?
Who are you, anyway?
Hercules.
Hercules?
Well - suddenly, my life looks a lot more interesting.
Mmm, ‘unpleasant’ might be more like it.
You know, it would be a lot easier on both of us - if you went someplace that was a little - tamer.
There is something you better understand, Pilot.
I’m not going anywhere.
Oh, uh - you can get up now.
Just like Mother used to make, huh?
Yeah - does remind me of home.
Yeah - I always thought about selling the recipe - not by itself, of course, but with others in a book - like a cookbook.
And the book might lead to a cooking school - or maybe a chain of cooking schools -
with great chef’s hats with ‘Salmoneus’ right across the top of the - ri -
am I boring you?
Wha- ? Oh, no, I’m sorry. My mind just wandered.
I’m here - looking for a woman.
You and every other man in this town.
Aw - no - a very special woman.
We have many special women in Inola.
There’s one called - Lucina.
She’s a special woman - with a smile ’could light up your heart.
My precious babies - this is all I have left of you.
Mommy, over here!
Mommy! Mommy!
I don’t care if you don’t eat. I don’t care if you don’t sleep.
You just get word to all of them.
There’s a thousand dinars waiting if they can get here by tomorrow - while Hercules is ripe for the killlng.
I won’t fail you, Pilot.
You better not. I’ll have your head hangin’ on my wall.
Go.
Yah! Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on!
Mica! Heliotrope! Come here!
I’m gonna try an experiment.
I found out a new way - to make a better drink.
I call it, the ‘Salmoneus Shake’.
Pick up your tumblers.
Come on, pick ‘em up - both hands - one hand here, one hand there - and shake them - realy fast - like this.
Oh, I don’t think I can do that.
Come on! Get your shoulders into it.
Faster! Faster, faster, faster, faster!
Really fast - like you’re really shakin’ it!
Get those shoul - get your h - higher! Higher!
Mica! Get - ! Higher! Higher! Higher! Higher!
Yeah! Yeah! Higher!
Am I interrupting?
Hercules!
Salmoneus.
Hercules.
Look at those muscles. It’s gotta be him.
He’s a friend of yours, Salmoneus?
Well - I’m his best friend! I used to be his biographer!
It’s a long story.
You’re not so full of hot air, after all.
Hey - would you - flex for us?
Oh - just once - please?
Sorry, ladies, I - don’t flex.
Oh - such a pity.
Excuse me.
What d’you think you’re doing?
It’s science. I’m creating a better world through chemistry.
You’re supposed to be taking care of Atticus.
Don’t get an ulcer! He’s sleeping on the couch - right over here!
You can take a look for yourself. See?
Atticus. Atticus. Atticus.
Attic - Attic - Oh.
Well, he was here.
‘Was’ is the key word.
‘Science’.
Lucina.
Good afternoon.
You can’t go in there.
But I gotta see her.
Yeah, that’s what they all say.
Get outta here; you’re gonna have more ta cry about than that cut on your head.
But that’s my wife in there.
Oh, that’s very wonderfu.
Atticus. Are you all right?
No - but this time, it’s not my head that hurts.
I don’t know if this will make you feel any better, but - you should still have it back.
Thank you. You’ve gone to too much trouble for me.
Well, you - look like you could use a friend.
Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?
All right, then - not around here, though.
Follow me.
I used to tell everybody - if they didn’t believe in luck - they oughtta look at me - married to a beautiful girl like Lucina.
And I was just a poor farmer twenty years older than her.
A little thing like twenty years isn’t enough to stop love - so long as love’s there in the first place.
She gave me two fine sons, Hercules. That’s how strong her love was.
Where are your boys now?
They’re dead.
You have my sympathy. I know how painful that can be.
Then it’s not a story? About the fireball that Hera sent down at your wife and kids.
I’m afraid it’s true. But we’re here to talk about you.
There was a fever in the Istrian Valley last year.
It killed - people - animals.
For a while, I didn’t think anything was gonna survive.
But Luciner and I made it through.
We had to - so there’d be somebody to bury the boys.
Jason was only three - and Marcus - wasn’t even a year.
I’m sorry, Atticus.
All the life went out of Luciner after that.
She kept saying it was her fault.
I told her it wasn’t in her hands - but she wouldn’t listen to me.
Finally - she ran.
And you followed her here.
She’s been other places.
By the time I got to them, though - there wasn’t anything left of her but stories.
You’d be better off talking to your wife before you believe what anybody else says.
I’m not sure I can do that by myself.
You have disgraced me - all of you.
It wasn’t just anyone who bounced us around. It was Hercules.
‘It was Hercules!’
I’m trying to explain.
Save it! You’re gonna see how real mercenaries operate soon enough.
We didn’t join ya to be spectators, Pilot.
Oh - then I better find something that you’re suited for!
Protection tariffs need to be collected from the local merchants.
That shouldn’t be too much of a challenge for you.
We were supposed to rob the tax collector.
Yeah.
Yeah, well he’s travelling with a guard these days.
Before you go up against someone like that -
I want you to prove to me that you can squeeze a few dinars out of a shopkeeper armed with a broom.
You want blood spilled - we’ll spill it.
That’s right.
Talk is cheap. Just do it.
What did you expect? We’re fighting Hercules.
Salmoneus?
Salmoneus, you home?
Guess not.
Any idea where he is?
Oh, probably off selling someone a bottle of snake oil.
He is the type, isn’t he?
Yeah, you noticed.
I thought you were gonna help me with Lucina.
Oh, I wanted to get you back here, first.
You’re still not in any condition to be out running around.
Well, I’m here. What about Lucina?
I don’t know how to tell you this, Atticus, but -
getting a husband and wife back together really isn’t my department.
But you’re the only one I can turn to - you know you are.
Pilot and his men - I’m no match for them.
I’ll see what I can do.
You’ll talk to Lucina?
I’ll try.
I know what you might be thinking, Hercules - but she’s as good a woman as ever walked this earth.
She just forgot it, that’s all.
Did you see the look on her husband’s face?
Speak of the devil.
You really are something, aren’t you?
I’m not sure what you mean.
Listen to her - acting all sweet and innocent.
I’m just tryin’ to get by the best I can.
Well, your husband doesn’t approve.
I don’t - know what you’re talking about.
Ask the guards. They’ll tell you.
Good thing Pilot put them outside your door - or your loving husband would ’a caught you.
Why are you saying this?
Just think - about what you’re going to tell him - when you come face-to-face with him.
Better be good!
We sometimes find ourselves in disappointing situations.
I’m losing patience with you, Windbag.
But patience is a virtue.
Pay up, or you’ll swing!
I’d really like to help ya out -
Finish it!
- but my brother-in-law takes care of the protection payments.
I’m talkin’ to you.
Yes. Yes, you are.
You’re talking to me.
Bu-bu-bu. I-I-I-I -
Give us the money.
I don’t know what to say.
Words come out, but they don’t mean anything.
Zip! Zilch, Nada!
You don’t know how true that is, gentlemen.
Oh, thank goodness!
So why don’t you let him go?
My pleasure.
Save him! Get him!
Nice catch, ladies.
It’s the last thing you’re gonna think was nice.
Don’t let go of me!
Oh, Salmoneus, you’re getting heavy!
I just lost fifteen pounds!
Hercules, help! We can’t keep him up much longer!
I’m busy!
Watch the jewels!
Before you say anything - think of awkward positions you’ve been in!
Hercules?!
Behind you!
Thanks.
That should do it.
You, sir, are a true humanitarian.
Micer and I will do anything for you.
Anything.
Why don’t you find another line of work?
I knew you were gonna say that.
Where’s Lucina?
She’s in her room out in back. Why?
Because she doesn’t belong here.
The nice guys never stick around long enough, do they, Heliotrope?
Ohh - maybe he’s right. Maybe we should find another line of work.
Uh - could somebody get this noose off me?
Thank you, Hercules! Thank you! Well done!
- Tear the place down, Hercules! - That’s right. You can do it!
- Why don’t you leave it standing? - What?
Find a better use for it. Make it - something the whole town can be proud of.
How did you get past the guards?
Um - there was trouble next door. They must have gone to see what it was.
Well, you’re going to have to leave.
Lucina - I’m here for Atticus.
Don’t you think he’s waited long enough to see you again?
I can’t see him.
But he still loves you.
How can he? All I’ve ever brought him was pain and heartbreak.
That doesn’t matter to him.
Will you look at what I’ve become?
You’ll never convince Atticus this is the real you. Give him a chance, Lucina.
Just - talk to him.
He didn’t leave anybody standing.
It doesn’t matter.
But Hercules is still out there!
After tomorrow, you can stop worrying. He’ll be dead.
Atticus, there’s someone here to see you.
Hello, Atticus.
Lucina.
I’ve missed you so much.
Thank you, Hercules. Thank you.
Lucina - you have to realize that - Atticus is hurting as much as you are.
He needs you - and you need him.
I don’t know what to say.
Whatever it is, Atticus is the one who needs to hear it - not me.
I’ll be outside.
Why are you doing this?
Because I love you, Lucina. I’ve never stopped loving you.
And now - I want you to come back home with me.
I can’t do that.
But why?
I see them every time I look at you.
Marcus and Jason - they had your eyes, your - your smile.
I loved them so much - so much, and I still couldn’t keep them alive.
Oh, Atticus, I dream about our babies every night.
There wasn’t anything you could do - the fever.
No. No, a mother brings her children into the world, and she’s supposed to take care of them.
A simple thing like that, and I couldn’t do it.
Oh, Atticus, please. Please, you’ve got to let me go.
You’d be better off without me in your life.
No man is ever better off without the woman he loves.
Where are the other?
I don’t need the others.
If I were you, I’d want them with me every step of the way.
This is Hercules you’re going up against - not some pig farmer defending a shack in the middle of nowhere.
Hercules doesn’t impress me.
There’s nobody I can’t take care of with my beauty, here.
Well, I wouldn’t have summoned you if that wasn’t the case.
But a little help with the odds can’t help.
I don’t want you challenging Hercules on your own.
You wait for the others to show up. Have I made myself clear?
I can wait as long as you want me to.
Just tell me where I can get a drink and maybe a girl for the night.
What else can I do?
You did what you could.
At least you were able to talk to her and - tell her how you feel.
If she goes back to running - I might never see her again.
Nice day - for a killing.
Hercules will make a nice trophy.
Not to mention the reward.
Bring me an ale!
Animal!
You’re just the squaw I’m lookin’ for!
Let me go!
Ah, ah, ah, ah - sir? Sir? Uh, uh - you break her - you buy her. House rules.
Not for me it isn’t.
No! No! No! I - I wouldn’t look good with an arrow stuck in me.
Shut up and butt out!
Fine. Fine.
Uh, is it OK if the girl butts out with me?
Come on.
Time to go to work.
Thank you.
- ended up in the water.
Get out of my way.
I’m looking for a horse to get me out of this town.
I can’t let you go yet - not until you’ve given me a chance to show you how a - beautiful woman should be romanced.
I’m not interested in romance.
Well, that doesn’t mean we still can’t get friendly.
Don’t do it, Lucina. Don’t go off with this man.
Well - who do we have here?
My husband.
Him?
He doesn’t look like much.
He’s more man than you’ll ever be.
If you really believe that, Lucina, you’ll come home with me.
We gotta hang on to each other if we’re gonna survive.
We could love each other - take care of -
That’s enough! You’re makin’ me sick!
My dear - the time of your life is waiting for you.
Let’s go, Atticus. Now.
Lucina!
Noooooo!
What happened?
Over there. Look over there.
I saw it all!
Yes.
Follow me.
It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry.
It’s all right. You’re comin’ home.
Yes. Yes, I’m coming home.
Atticus.
What happened? Was he stabbed?
Lucina, what happened?
Everyone that I love dies.
Pilot stabbed him.
All he wanted me for was his pleasure.
And Atticus, he came offering me his love.
I didn’t even get the chance to tell him that I loved him.
Why don’t you tell him later?
What do you mean?
I mean, he’s going to live.
Don’t tell me the rest of them backed off when they heard about Hercules.
Keep your shirt on Pilot. They’re here.
So - want those thousand dinars, do you?
Yeah.
Good.
They’ll be mine, too.
Good.
Where is he?
Hercules? Near the stable.
And he’s got trouble.
Seems a farmer got stabbed. He might even be dead.
Did Hercules do it?
No, I did.
Then I suppose you’ll be comin’ with us.
Yeah, well, I’m the one throwin’ the party.
Right - this is how we’re gonna work it.
This man has been badly hurt. I need a place where he’ll be safe.
You won’t find it in this town. He got what he deserved. Carrying on with the likes of her.
You don’t know how wrong you are.
They’re not gonna help us.
Yes, they are.
It’s easy to sit in judgment, isn’t it?
All you have to do is run your mouths.
You don’t even have to know anything about the people you’re judging.
You’re all heart - ya self-righteous boobs.
But none of can be sure that you’ll never face the same tragedy. It could happen to anybody.
I gotta find a way to get Atticus outta here.
That’s why I’m asking you to show them the same compassion that you would want.
I don’t know how I can make it up to you, but - you could use my house if you’d like.
I could even see about - patching the man’s wound.
Your brother would be proud.
Thank you.
Would you like some garlic?
There’s another one.
Where did he come from?
What do we have here?
This could be useful to us.
Now, this’ll make - it’s like a nice getaway for Atticus. Just move this around here.
What I usually do with a man I’ve just killed - is take a - souvenir -
an ear, a finger - you know - something to remember him by.
So, seeing as this is Hercules -
You talk too much.
I’ve got a lot to talk about.
Yeah, well, we’ll see, won’t we?
Time for a change of plan.
I’ve got some bandages for him. Let me take care of his wound.
He’ll be fine.
My bag - I think I left it at the stable.
I’ve gotta get it. There’s something in it for Atticus to see.
Go on and get it. Your husband’ll be fine here.
I’m going with you.
Ah, fresh water.
My brother-in-law is gonna have a lot to answer for.
I’m not used to this kind of activity when I take a - .
I don’t think so.
I better warn Hercules.
I hope it’s still here.
There it is.
Hercules - there are mercenaries everywhere.
Witch.
Come on.
He’ll pay.
You’re supposed to be the best. What’s wrong with you?
Not this shoulder agiain!
Duck!
Oh, my goodness!
Death to Hercules!
My eye.
Oh, Hercules!
Go on. Get out of here!
Take Salmoneus with you!
Oh, be careful!
You should just leave your toga here and make a run for it!
Are you crazy?! This thing’s expensive! And it’s not a toga!
What, Salmoneus!
Run!
No!
Oh, no! We’ve got him!
Is he all right?
I don’t know. He came from behind him.
We don’t stand a chance without him.
Come, quickly! He’s back up! Look!
Get him, Herc!
Lucina.
I’ve killed him.
Come on, Lucina.
Here - you don’t wanna forget these.
Maybe now you’ll forgive us?
They’re good kids.
You all right?
No.
You will be.
Ah - did you lock it up?
Oh, yeah.
Now, I gott find my brother-in-law - let him know the townspeople want to turn his pleasure palace -
into a senior citizens’ center.
Why didn’t I think of that?
You tell me.
‘Cause I’m always chasing the fast dinar - that’s why.
But I’m gonna mend my ways.
The next time you see me - it’ll be a new me - that you see.
Girls - I’ve got this idea for a game for old folks.
You play with a card and five stones. I call it ‘Bongo’.
Now, the idea is to get a line, diagonally or horizontally.
I think it’s a good way to make some money.
- ‘Bongo’? - What about ‘Bingo’?
I’ve been sitting here, thinking of a way to thank you, but - I can’t find the right words.
I think you just did. The important thing is that you and Lucina are back together.
We’re going to make things right - maybe even start another family.
It would be nice to see children playing with these again.
Then I’m sure there will be children.
We’d be honored if you come to meet them, someday.
No - I’d be honored.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.
Be safe.
Good-bye, my friends.